Encouragement for Dads of Breastfed Babies
Welcoming a new baby into your family is a wonderful, exciting, stressful, and overwhelming time. It is such a mixture of emotions and an adjustment to life with this new child. Breastfeeding will take time for both of you to learn. Dads can be such an important support in this process, and I have seen them in action in so many ways with the families I have worked with. Here are the top three questions I hear new dads ask about how they can support their partner and baby.
1. How Can I Help?
There are many practical and important ways dads can help. Here are a few ideas that I have seen with my clients:
Looking up reviews on Yelp for a lactation consultant who will do a home visit
Asking “What drink or snack would you prefer while you are feeding baby?”
Going to appointments and filling out paperwork while mom nurses or holds the baby
Understanding and updating insurance information needed to access care.
Learning how to do paced bottle feeding and changing habits to help baby learn to suck better at the breast
Learning and doing suck training, stretches and movement exercises during playtime
Encouraging mom with each new step as mom and baby learn to latch better
Burping and changing diapers
Making or ordering healthy snack options to have available when needed
Getting resources such as video links or email sent to their account as well when mom is too overwhelmed to check them herself
All these things help mom and baby as they learn together.
2. How Can I Connect With My Baby?
It’s the seemingly mundane moments that can make a big difference in the life of a child.
That familiar face taking care of me, changing my diapers, bathing, wiping spit up, reading me stories, singing over me, and cuddling me for a nap. Dad’s soothing voice and strong arms holding me feel different from Mom. Both are good, and help me to know I am loved.
These small and often unseen moments also make a big difference to Mom. Once the wonder of meeting your new baby is over, co-parenting supports Mom and builds a special relationship with your child.
3. How Can I Balance Work And Take Family Leave?
Settling into life as a family will look different for us all. Intentional conversations about how to balance family leave/maternity leave and paid time off are important to have before a baby's birth with plenty of time to do the necessary paperwork.
Modern flexible work schedules and work from home options for some can be really helpful, however, it can also put more pressure on those first precious weeks with your baby. This is the time when you are also in postpartum recovery and coping with less sleep with nighttime feeds.
What will you and your spouse or partner be balancing? Other siblings, extended family visiting, a house move, financial commitments, or other responsibilities can all change how you might arrange your leave.
There are legal entitlements for paid family leave. Talk to your HR team and check this website to make sure you have accurate information. https://edd.ca.gov/en/disability/paid-family-leave/fathers/
A Final Thought
Finally, I encourage you to prioritize communication during this important transition in your family life.
Check in with each other each day at least briefly with these basic questions:
What is something that has surprised or delighted you today?
Is there something you are worrying about or thinking a lot about?
What can I do today to help you?
Make a little time to discuss ideas about sharing roles, expectations, and your ‘to do’ lists. Encourage your partner in the ways you are noticing them growing as a parent and the effort they make to share the load and work together. Five or ten minutes communicating proactively like this most days will help build a great parenting team and a loving relationship that will be a strong foundation for your family.