One vivid memory I have from my first week as a mom is standing over my son’s bassinet the day his Dad went back to work and wondering how on earth I would be a good mother. It was all so new and my brain was foggy!

He was a hungry boy, and after the first few days we got the latch figured out. But, oh my! It took a little getting used to. There were so many changes in my body, I had cramps during feedings (I thought labor contractions were over!), my overfull breasts were leaking everywhere, and I couldn’t keep track of diapers. Was he burping enough? Did I have to feed him again after it looked like he had vomited the entire last feed up? I remember a lot of half sitting, half lying on the bed due to a very sore undercarriage! I would try to make sure he stayed awake enough to get to the hindmilk, then pray he would sleep long enough for me to rest too. 

Once the initial few weeks had settled down, I really enjoyed breastfeeding.

I call it the mundane and the glorious of motherhood.

I was feeding every few hours during the day, gradually getting longer sleeps at night, learning to balance life around that, and returning to work part time. I loved sitting down to snuggle and feed my baby. I was getting more confident with nursing out in public. We visited friends more and went to the beach or for walks at the weekends, with milk always conveniently at the ready. He gradually weaned himself at about 14 months, and I went into my second pregnancy a little more confident. 

However, my second son was a lot more challenging.

We battled not latching well, damaged nipples, and nasty thrush in both of us for the first month or so. I pumped some feeds to deal with the pain and, with a lot of support and help from my husband and mother, it finally settled down at about 5 weeks. We continued to breastfeed until 11 months when my milk supply dropped off significantly during my next pregnancy and juggling night duty in the NICU. My third son was great at breastfeeding and a great sleeper, but chasing after a toddler and preschooler as well was tiring. I had to be intentional about using dream feeds and extra pumping at times to keep my milk supply strong. We breastfed until about 13 months. 

My daughter had a rough start. I had been working in the NICU and should have known better, but I still felt helpless.

She had a very quick birth, low blood sugars, temperature problems, and a retained placenta which all had me in tears when I could not express anything for her that first day. I had to give her formula via an NG tube that I also had to insert. The NICU was full, and the postnatal unit nurse was nervous about putting it in herself! I didn’t want her practicing on my daughter, so I put it in myself and her incubator stayed with me in my room. She only had formula once, but I was devastated. We went on to fully breastfeed until she was nearly 20 months; I kept going as long as she would take it as she did not react well to cows milk or formula. When she was 8 months old, we moved from New Zealand to Missouri, stopping with friends in California on the way. The plan was to leave her with our friends for the day while we took the boys to Disneyland, but projectile vomiting a trial of formula and not having enough milk pumped because of international travel, meant she came with us. We had a delightful day nursing in between rides and shows. She had the most adorable cuddle with Mickey Mouse and loved the evening parade! We travelled a lot as a family and breastfeeding was so convenient.

Looking back, I would do some things differently.

There is such helpful new research, and knowing what I know now I could have avoided some pain and stress. However, I am so grateful for all the support I had, especially the proactive in-home support of midwives and nurses for the first 6 weeks with each of my babies in New Zealand. It helped me persevere through challenges and successfully give my babies a healthy start in life with breastfeeding.

These experiences, and many more as I have helped mothers over the years, have helped me be both positive and realistic. Breastfeeding is the best start for babies in all sorts of circumstances.